Drowning

i thought my biggest fear was drowning.

the everlasting pull, the silent scream,
the grabbing onto nothingness in hope that
i can be rescued.


i thought it was the inability to breathe,
the choking, the magnificence force of gravity,
the filling of my lungs as I let my airways try and
lift me back to the surface.
back to reality.
back to waking up in your bed.
back to having your arms around me
instead of the wrath of the sea.
back to life.
back to your infectious smile.
back to having someone tell me
they love me more than life itself.
i guess my biggest fear remains.
except now, I’m living it.
i’m drowning.
you let me go under without so much
of a sorry.
without a rubber ring to lift
me back up.
i feel as though I can touch the surface,
yet every time I try,
you pull me back under,
and I’m once again voiceless,
breathless, motionless, intoxicated
by the vision of you.
it’s wavering, it’s fleeting, it’s there.
life will find me, as you did.
my lungs will expand with the relief
of experiencing what I had feared so much,
what you promised you’d protect me from.
now, I’m fearless.
soon, I’ll be floating.
over the vision of you,
over your promises,
over you.

by Angel Clark

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